by Rumbidzai Makumbe

Bad experiences often leave their victims stuck to them even though it is just their memory that will still be remaining. The pain of losing that special and close person remains fresh in the heart  and mind of the one left behind and if not if not let go one remains stuck in the pain  gaze without doing and anything for the future except crying and self-blame on how one could have saved the deceased avoiding facing the reality that man does not control life or death.

Just because a past relationship or marriage was terrible ,one sometimes holds on to the terrible memories hence forth ruining the possibilities of enjoying promising relationships which  might bring happiness into their lives. A failed business project, examination or approach to certain aspects in life may be the reason why some body continues to fail simply because of self-blame and doubt based on their past failure experience clearly indicating that one will not have moved on.

What is point of holding on to the past that you cannot change when you still can change something about your future if you just let go of the past?, truly there is no point. Letting go does not mean forgetting what you came across or endured, it simply means accepting what will had happened and not letting what would have happened your main focus for the rest of your life. If it is a death that hurts you bad and you feel like you are betraying the dead if you move on, remember that no matter how sorrowful you become you will not bring the dead but instead allow yourself to grieve and heal and may be try to be that person who tells those who have lost some one the words you wanted to hear when you were grieving. Live to be that person you needed when all was not well .Do not die together with the deceased while you are alive but make yourself useful to those still alive and needing you.

Sometimes when we fail to move on we hold back those we care about because they will keep trying to help you while you choose to stick to your negative hold up. It will be like the rest of the people close to you will be trying to pull you out of a pit and you stick your feet tightly inside the whole such that can hardly move hence complicating your rescue mission. Not letting go of a terrible past relationship or marriage will not outer your bad experience to a fairy tale but it will only block you from embracing the better relationship or marriage prospects to come hence leaving you feeling pity for yourself instead of being happy. Crying over your failure does not change it success instead let go of your sentiments on the failure and brace yourself for success through addressing the causes of your failure. Whatever bad experience one experience will just spiral into more failure if one does not let go of it and move on. One can never let go of whatever will be holding her or him back if she or he does not forgive her or himself on whatever she or he will be guilty for. Self-forgiveness is essential in letting for it paves way for confidence in the future. Hope and believing in positive future possibilities enhances the success of both moving on and letting go.

The past should remain in the past only its memories that positively construct us in the future should be kept .If you were sexually abused for instance try to let go of the exact abuse details but your feelings towards that incidence can be used for the better in future ,for example you can make suggestions on how to emotionally, spiritually and physically survive after rape or you can be a councilor to others who might encounter the same incidence last but not least you as a victim of rape may be the hope for the hopeless who will have suffered the same tragedy. Instead of hating yourself and feelings helpless because of the rape, you can move forward with your life and take a stand and voice our on anti-sexual abuse campaigns and cases.

Sometimes it’s not the bad experiences that hold us back but it is our old terrible habits that hold us back because we cannot just easily let go of them no matter how much we try. You might be so hooked to a bad habit that it becomes an addiction and each step you take towards letting go of the habit is accompanied with a step back to the habit. You may be trying so hard to be free from drug addiction, pornography addiction or other addictions and you feel and know that you are addicted to something that is bad for health as well as morally but still you have an irresistible urge to keep doing it hence complicating the letting go process. If you try letting go once and give up the moment you are trapped to your addiction again then you will be being unfair to yourself. It’s so easy to form a habit yet difficult to break it so you have to keep trying to let go no matter how much you fail to let go. One day you will be telling others your story of giving up.

Once you decide to let go of a certain habit or addiction you have to be determined to succeed in giving it up. You need to have the drive to attain your goal no matter the challenges which might come along the way. You need to clear off anything that links you to the hold habit for example explicit videos and drugs so that you will not tempt yourself besides they will not be useful to you anymore .Detach yourself from anything that connects you or triggers your connection to your addiction or bad habit. If you friends do not respect your choice and keep dragging you to what you are trying to let go off it means that will be high time to make new friends who are not in the same caliber.

The journey of never letting go is never is hence often you will feel the urge to sniff a bit of marijuana or engage in the habit you want to let go. It is a real temptation to get over but your will can help you ignore that urge. You need to remind yourself of what you really want and the negative effects of that habit you are addicted to .Tell yourself that you are in charge of your life and you are in control of it and that addiction will not hold you back any more. You are in control because it is you who choose to give in to the urges or feel that urge and not give in to it. It’s like looking at a jarful of ice cream and feel great cravings for it that you want to consume the whole jar even though you know you will have a stomach ache after wards. The choice is yours to eat it all or leave it and feel the flow of triumph. Letting go of an addiction or habit is a battle where you hold the keys to your freedom.

To facilitate the letting go process you need to work on new healthy activities so that there will not be that void in your time schedule which can get you thinking of engaging in your old habit for the purpose of filling time. Try something new like listening to music, dancing .drawing and so forth so that you eliminate thoughts of the habit you want to let go each time you have nothing to do. Also find solutions to the reasons that got you addicted to the habit at first so that when you experience situations that got you addicted to those habits you will have new solutions. Escaping reality, coping with stress and fitting in are some of the reasons why people addicted to some habits like drug sniffing. Getting real and accepting there are better and healthy ways to address stress and other predicaments is vital in letting go of bad habits. A problem shared is a problem solved there for share your dilemma of being addicted to a bad habit so that you get advice and support on your journey of letting go.

So as to successfully let go of bad habits and addictions make sure you evaluate your progress and take note of things that pull you back to the habits you are trying to let go. Constant self-evaluation on how you are progressing towards letting go of your bad habits and addictions is essential as it enables you to identify  what draw you back as well as motivates you progress.

The bad experiences we go throu

gh should not be our point of gaze instead let’s builds from them. Let’s learn from them and instead of succumbing to their defeat let’s challenge them and walk out from them stronger .Truth be told whether we like it or not life is not glossy all the way it has its downs which from them we can should to stay and dig pits leading to our destruction or we can build terraces that lead us out. Don’t look back and blame yourself ,hate yourself ,pity yourself ,soak yourself in tears or regret but instead move toward and prepare for the future making solutions and unleash your greatness.

You can get in touch with Rumbidzai Makumbe using the following E-mail: rumbidzaijacobinamakumbe@gmail.com or phone number 0784529393

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